Life of naughty women

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Search Search. Menu Sections. Once in a while, try turning up at the office slightly late, hair unbrushed and wearing the same clothes as the day before. This will look like your mystery lover sends you flowers at random just because they are maddeningly in love with ravishing you. Do take the behaviour of smug couples gracefully. This is bad. Can you get through the night without a drink? Do you spend as much time with your bottle as you would a man?

Remember, the one thing that makes smug flowered-up married types jealous is women who get to choose new lovers. Let yourself go. Eyebrows should remain unplucked. Hair unbrushed. Legs unwaxed. Undercarriages untrimmed. Spots attacked. You can look fabulous later. Do not contact him or take his calls. Get ahead of the day with the morning headlines at 7. Enter address This field is required Up. Stockpile food for your sulk.

Easy-cook stuff only, mind you. In times of grief, you need to keep your strength up. You might want to dig out some old photos of yourself in which you look particularly fabulous. Ask yourself how on earth he could be mad enough to give up gorgeous you. Use airbrushed images if necessary. Showing off those pictures of him that you keep in your wallet.

Yeah, yeah. Just shut up about it, you smug cow. Remember, wallet equals vomit. Having those patronising conversations to try to make your girlfriends feel better. Or go to evening classes. Or go and look for people shopping for meals for one in supermarkets. Your girlfriends are quite within their rights to call you a patronising old bag at this point and blank you for the rest of the evening. Bringing him unannounced to a Girls Emergency Summit Meeting to discuss a crisis such as an unexpected pregnancy. This is no time for smug couples. This is no time for men at all.

The girls have booked you, and you on your own. They have been looking forward to a bitchfest about various love rivals, or deep discussions on gynaecology or a whinge about how they are manless. Pastels: The only person in history who could really pull off pastels, ever, was the Queen Mother. The rest of us should just stay clear. The only possible exceptions are Chanel twinsets. Polyester: No. No matter how cheap it is. Or how well cut. You will sweat like a little piggy and get those great big rings around your armpits. Not a great look. Stone-washed denim: Oh please. You may as well have thrown up on your pants.

The only exception to this rule is if you are a member of Status Quo. Knickers: wear some. There are far too many starlets out there at the moment being snapped commando. To be honest, even just wearing a G-string is pretty bad. Patterns: Avoid patterns, they could distract him. He needs to stay focused on you and how fabulous you are. Buy cars without power steering. Buy a penthouse. This is why supermodels never live in near-ground apartments. You can have any amount of hollandaise if you live in a penthouse. Hang out with rugby teams. Order seafood all the time. Naughty girl's guide to life.

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Life of naughty women

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Being naughty is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s a vital life skill